Hogwarts School of Fuckasses and Shenanigans
by Black Phantom Murder
Summary: When Jack escapes into a different universe it is up to John, Dave, Karkat and Gamzee to save the universe from destruction. Watch as Karkat pisses off Umbridge and John plays pranks with the Weasley twins. Hogwarts may never be the same again. Rated T because it's Homestuck people!


Chapter 1

An old man was sitting in his office looking through the list of first years who were going to begin their life at the most prestegious magic school in the UK. This particular old man's name was Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore and he was the current headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He had a particular fondness for lemon drops and other muggle candy as well as a good joke.

Taking a lemon drop and sucking on it as he looked over the names of students. He had seen generations learn at his school and it filled him with joy knowing he was helping the new generation shape the world.

As the old man sat at his desk he didn't notice a woman appear in his office in a ball of light until the woman coughed, alerting him of her presence. Twinkling blue eyes looked up and he took in the strange sight before him.

The woman – although it was hard to tell this person's age due to the curved orange hood that covered most of their face – wore a strange yellow and orange outfit with a sun-like symbol resting in the middle. There was a otherworldly air that seemed to surround her, as if she could see all the possible paths of every descision ever made or to be made. She seemed to almost glow although the light was not fake, but more like it was the sun itself from which the light came from.

"And who might you be my dear? I don't remember arranging a meeting for today and Minevera hasn't mentioned anything to me." Albus questioned, curiousity showing in his periwinkle blue eyes that were framed by half-moon glasses.

The exotically dressed woman sat in the chair in front of the old headmaster and gave him a curt smile. "I am sorry for intruding at this time headmaster. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Rose Lalonde and I am here to ask a favour of you. Making an appointment is difficult when travelling through the space between universes."

This woman, Rose, was intreguing to Albus. She had certainly not attended Hogwarts and he hadn't heard of the name Lalonde ever in the British magical community. Her accent was American although she said something about travelling inbetween universes. Very curious indeed.

"I see what you mean. What is it that you would like to ask of me?"

Rose pulled down her hood to reveal old looking lavender eyes. They were the eyes Albus saw on many of the fighters of the last war. To have such eyes at such a young age, Albus couldn't even imagine what she had seen.

"There is a being called Jack Noir who has been wrecking havoc in attempts to kill my friends and I. Jack recently used a transportalizer that has been calibrated to this universe although the time that he arrives is unknown. My friends were able to figure out he would appear sometime around this year. Tomorrow at noon, four people are going to arrive in the great hall. I must warn you that two of them are a different species called trolls.I am sure they will be able to give you more indormation on the subject themselves. I ask that they join your school until Jack arrives so as to stop him from destroying your universe."

He thought over the idea for a few moments before nodding. She didn't seem to have ill intentions and her eyes showed the truth in her words. This would be a very interesting year indeed. "Very well my dear. I hope to see your wonderful friends soon. We will sort them with the first years when the school year starts. May I ask the names and ages of these students so as to put them on the list?" Albus got a quill and parchment ready to write down the names.

"Of course headmaster. There names are John Egbert, Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas and Gamzee Makara. All of them are around 15 to 16 years old."

He wrote down the names and put a note to place them in 5th year. "Thank you Miss Lalonde. Your friends will be in good hands here at Hogwarts. We shall provide them with materials for the school year ahead. They will also stay with sime friends until school starts that contains some other students who will be in their year."

Rose stood up and smiled, both of them shaking hands to seal the deal. "Thank you for your time sir. My friends will see you tomorrow at noon exactly." With that she left in a flash of bright light. In her place there was a couple of knitting magazines and a ball of wool.

Albus really did like a good knitting pattern.

**It has been a good while since I have last written. This has been due to me trying to learn how to write better stories and dealing with a ton of school work. I am planning on staying committed to this work as I have noticed a large lack in Homestuck and Harry Potter crossovers. **

**THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE LONGER.**

**This was just an introductory chapter for my story. Thank you for taking the time to read this and please leave me any ideas on how to make this better as I am always looking to improve my writing.**

**Until next time~**


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